Duh.
Just as I stepped out of the shower this morning, I had a small revelation. I spent a hell of a lot of time in counseling when I was younger, working on undoing the damage of my childhood issues with low self esteem, yet no time at all dealing with the problems I would deal with later in life. The future problems of an adult, unable to trust and share my true self with another human being, even those whom I love.
If you know me and you're a reader of this blog, you're probably saying "DUH!", but man, that sudden realization hit me like a brick this morning as I was toweling off. I used to tell people that I had childhood issues that I went through years of counseling to repair, and that I dealt with them and put them behind me. That's true, but I only solved half of my problems, half of the crazy shit that turns my head inside out and caused me to nuke almost every relationship I've ever had as an adult.
The things I'm dealing with now are not the problems of a teenager getting over his parent's divorce, they're of a guy who has never been able to trust the people who love him.
Is it possible to step back and see yourself from an objective distance? I can't imagine it is, but I know it must be possible to assemble enough of the puzzle to accurately see myself and my past, finally start learning from it, and stop making the same old mistakes over and over again.
There's a lofty goal: stop making the same goddamn mistakes. Truly something to shoot for.
Duh.
If you know me and you're a reader of this blog, you're probably saying "DUH!", but man, that sudden realization hit me like a brick this morning as I was toweling off. I used to tell people that I had childhood issues that I went through years of counseling to repair, and that I dealt with them and put them behind me. That's true, but I only solved half of my problems, half of the crazy shit that turns my head inside out and caused me to nuke almost every relationship I've ever had as an adult.
The things I'm dealing with now are not the problems of a teenager getting over his parent's divorce, they're of a guy who has never been able to trust the people who love him.
Is it possible to step back and see yourself from an objective distance? I can't imagine it is, but I know it must be possible to assemble enough of the puzzle to accurately see myself and my past, finally start learning from it, and stop making the same old mistakes over and over again.
There's a lofty goal: stop making the same goddamn mistakes. Truly something to shoot for.
Duh.
Labels: shrink
posted by steve at 11:56 PM
2 Comments:
The fact that you're asking these questions of yourself means that you're on the right track re:seeing yourself objectively. This blog and aboce are fantastic 0have realy enjoyed reading this type of homestly.
Ah, that spelling -I was trying to hurry as I heard my son's school bus come up the street -and then came back and realised that I still needed to click on some message that came up and then saw the dreadful spelling!
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