Part One
Friday, May 11, 2007
6:07am
Alarm goes off, I ignore it
6:20am
I finally stop ignoring the alarm and get my tired ass out of bed. As is my standard habit, I was up until the wee hours of the morning packing. Someday I will learn how to pack for a trip during normal people hours.
7:05am
After a quick shower, Melba and I hit the road for the airport. She very graciously volunteered to dump my sorry ass off.
7:30am
I arrive at the airport early, but while going through security screening, my camera bag sets off a TSA alarm for nitroglycerine. The entire contents of my bags are now spread out on a folding table in the screening area, and every electronic device in my bags is re-sent through the x-ray, I get frisked by a polite TSP officer, and am left to wait while two other officers run wet naps over my belongings and test the wet naps for nasty substances. One officer gives a half-hearted attempt at re-packing my stuff, but I wasn't going to make my flight if I waited that long, so I take over. According to the other officer, one of my camera lenses was tripping the hazardous substance sensors. They became extra suspicious when they saw a drop of dried liquid on it, and were nonplussed when I told them it was remnants of a leaky bottle of pineapple juice. Total TSA holdup, about 16 minutes. Good thing I arrived early.
8:10am
Flight starts boarding.
8:50am
Off, into the wild blue yonder. I dig airplanes, enjoy flying, and damn do I ever love to travel. So fun, even when I'm going somewhere I've already been. I have a tough time sleeping on flights because of all the excitement. Unless I'm drunk. Then I sleep like the dead.
9:16am
Beverage service. I always order apple juice. Airplanes are the only place I drink apple juice.
9:35am
People traveling with small children should be given their own section of the plane, preferably in the tail, preferably in sonic seclusion from the rest of the cabin.
11:15am (eastern time zone)
Landed in Detroit. First leg of flight is now done, I may become violent if these kids are on my connecting flight.
11:40am
My next flight doesn't leave for two more hours. Might need to explore the airport for awhile. No free WiFi here.
12:35pm
Crazy lighted moving walkway tunnel beneath one of the runways at DTW that connects the main terminal with concourse C.
12:45pm
Gate got moved to C14. Thrilling. Flight leaves in an hour.
1:44pm
Flight was supposed to leave at 1:32, which got bumped to 1:44, which ended up being 1:55. I was quickly duped out of the armrest by the fat priest sitting next to me, who craftily kept his left elbow on it the entire flight. The back of his elbow left a sweaty spot on my rib. Strike three for organized religion.
2:28pm
Flight landed at Elmira/Corning regional airport. Gorgeous weather here - 77 degrees, sunny.
4:20pm
Had a surprisingly good hot corned beef sandwich. Have two hours to kill before Tammer arrives from Philadelphia to pick me up.
6:07am
Alarm goes off, I ignore it
6:20am
I finally stop ignoring the alarm and get my tired ass out of bed. As is my standard habit, I was up until the wee hours of the morning packing. Someday I will learn how to pack for a trip during normal people hours.
7:05am
After a quick shower, Melba and I hit the road for the airport. She very graciously volunteered to dump my sorry ass off.
7:30am
I arrive at the airport early, but while going through security screening, my camera bag sets off a TSA alarm for nitroglycerine. The entire contents of my bags are now spread out on a folding table in the screening area, and every electronic device in my bags is re-sent through the x-ray, I get frisked by a polite TSP officer, and am left to wait while two other officers run wet naps over my belongings and test the wet naps for nasty substances. One officer gives a half-hearted attempt at re-packing my stuff, but I wasn't going to make my flight if I waited that long, so I take over. According to the other officer, one of my camera lenses was tripping the hazardous substance sensors. They became extra suspicious when they saw a drop of dried liquid on it, and were nonplussed when I told them it was remnants of a leaky bottle of pineapple juice. Total TSA holdup, about 16 minutes. Good thing I arrived early.
8:10am
Flight starts boarding.
8:50am
Off, into the wild blue yonder. I dig airplanes, enjoy flying, and damn do I ever love to travel. So fun, even when I'm going somewhere I've already been. I have a tough time sleeping on flights because of all the excitement. Unless I'm drunk. Then I sleep like the dead.
9:16am
Beverage service. I always order apple juice. Airplanes are the only place I drink apple juice.
9:35am
People traveling with small children should be given their own section of the plane, preferably in the tail, preferably in sonic seclusion from the rest of the cabin.
11:15am (eastern time zone)
Landed in Detroit. First leg of flight is now done, I may become violent if these kids are on my connecting flight.
11:40am
My next flight doesn't leave for two more hours. Might need to explore the airport for awhile. No free WiFi here.
12:35pm
Crazy lighted moving walkway tunnel beneath one of the runways at DTW that connects the main terminal with concourse C.
12:45pm
Gate got moved to C14. Thrilling. Flight leaves in an hour.
1:44pm
Flight was supposed to leave at 1:32, which got bumped to 1:44, which ended up being 1:55. I was quickly duped out of the armrest by the fat priest sitting next to me, who craftily kept his left elbow on it the entire flight. The back of his elbow left a sweaty spot on my rib. Strike three for organized religion.
2:28pm
Flight landed at Elmira/Corning regional airport. Gorgeous weather here - 77 degrees, sunny.
4:20pm
Had a surprisingly good hot corned beef sandwich. Have two hours to kill before Tammer arrives from Philadelphia to pick me up.
posted by steve at 2:36 PM
4 Comments:
I'll see your sweaty priest and raise you one Christian missionary and a nine-hour flight. He was very interested in discussing (a) Jesus, (b) my personal relationship with Jesus, (c) whores, (d) Jesus some more. If I weren't already an atheist, sitting next to that guy would have made me one.
I was just about to say that airplanes are the only place where I drink Bloody Mary mix sans vodka, when I realized that that would make it a Virgin Mary. It's a sign! Go with God!
Airplanes are the only place I drink orange juice. Or ginger ale. (Not both together, but always one or the other.) What is up with airplane-specific beverage choices?
Also, I've been in that trippy lighted tunnel. Cool.
STEVE! Your advice for tweaking my blog columns totally worked. Thank you!
I could not agree more about the need for "family" sections. Small children on airplanes are the best form of birth control.
Great photos.
Post a Comment
<< Home